Mile 20

Since the first day after Courtney's accident caregivers have been telling us "it's a marathon", "pace yourself." Pacing ourselves didn't occur to us in those early days when her future was so unclear. It started to sink in while she was at Braintree. Now we are at about Mile 20 - the long slow climb. Courtney wants her old life back NOW! She has little tolerance for therapy and has a hard time seeing that anything is different from before her accident.
When others see Courtney they also have a hard time recognizing that she is anything but completely her old self. She looks great, is walking, talking, etc. But there is alot of work ahead for Courtney on her road to complete recovery.
She works daily at math and reading exercises that at one time would have been child's play. This work takes about 3-4 hours each day. She works hard to build up her endurance physically. Courtney has speech therapy 3 times a week, occupational therapy 2 times and physical therapy 2-3 times a week. In between she works out at the gym - 10 minutes on the bike, 10 minutes on the eliptical, and 10 minutes with weights. It is a very tiring 30 minute routine for her.
All the while Courtney asks the questions any normal person would ask: why did this happen to me? It doesn't make sense. My life is confusing. Additionally Courtney is working through severe anxiety (very normal post brain injury) and occasional sadness (also normal).
She is anxious about the people she loves dying or being injured in a car accident and she's anxious for herself. As Courtney recently said "I live my life in fear."
For Craig, myself, Katy and Claudia this is also the long, slow part of the marathon. We feel helpless at times to ease Courtney's fears. We all have our own fears. And like Courtney we wish everything was better right now.
We don't know how long the final 6 miles will take. We believe that Courtney will complete this marathon and return fully to live her life. Courtney's compassion, love for others and determination has inspired us all.
Recently Fr. Brassard spoke these words in a homily that remind us about Courtney:
"Every once in a while a genuinely good and loving individual, whose pain would be more than any mothers' heart could bear, comes along and reminds us of the words of the prophet Hosea: "It is mercy I desire, not sacrifice." We are left to reflect on our own hearts and how the mercy of God is to be played out in the actions of our lives."
And so, we pray for the strength, compassion, wisdom and mercy to pursue the finish line, along with the patience and trust in God that no matter how long the last 6 miles we will all endure!