It's been a long long time since I've last posted. Many things have happened, and it's crazy to think about.
It's actually one year ago tomorrowthe 15th, regardless it has been quite the year. That day I went to the gym, stopped at the library on the way home to do some homework, and then I came home to take a nap. I talked to my friend rat (Jillian) on the phone and she said, "I don't think I'm going to be able to come out because the weather is supposed to get worse later and my parents don't want me on the road driving." So I said ugh okay, well call me if anything changes. About an hour or so later around 3:00 rat called me back and said that it was okay if she drove to the movies and right back. We made plans to meet at the movies for 5:00.
That's all I remember. Well I remember us calling eachother figuring out what the other was wearing, but that is the end of my memory of that day.
I can't believe it has been a year. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I missed Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years with my family. This year on those holidays it is going to be the best time after all we have been and fought through together.
This year on my birthday (which is in October) it was an emotional day. When we were singing "happy birthday," and when I was opening my presents my parents were tearing up. I knew that they were just overwhelmed. My Mom said that they didn't know if I would celebrate another birthday. That scared me.
So many things before my accident didn't phase me nearly as strongly as they do now. For example. driving, school, friendship, and many more. Those things have changed so much for me. Now that I am back to driving it's a smile of relief every time I get into the drivers seat. I drive along, still smiling and don't care about the fact that people who drive past me look at me like I'm a weirdo. I think to myself, "they don't know shit about what I've been though."
School. Oh to be in school I want to be in school so badly. But the day I got the results of the nuero-psych evaluation test the doctor told me that if I was back in school, she is afraid I would fail and not be happy. She also said that it's a good thing I'm so high-strong. Some people she said, we have to push them along, but we're pulling you back.
That is good and bad. Thanks to people like her, and so many others who work in the recovery department of health, I haven't gotten too far ahead of myself because of their warnings that I could be very dissapointed if I did this or that.
I'm kind of glad I've gone through this. It taught me so many things. The love and dependence of friendship, family, and the grace of God and to never give up. I've learned so much, but in a much stronger sense then I did as I was growing up. This time though, it means something. I understand every lesson, every punishment, every thing I didn't want to hear as a teenager, and every cry for help.
Please continue to pray for me, I need your prayers so I keep getting better and better, and also please pray for every person who was hurt by all the bad stories you see on the news. The soldiers need our prayers and our love, so that more don't give up.
I'll post soon, I promise.
hehe :)
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Mom's Update
It's been a long time since I've typed the words in the title line.
Today marks one year since Courtney's accident. It was a day just like today, rainy and windy. Courtney spent that day working out, doing homework, and preparing for the all important Saturday night of a college student.
At 4:30 that afternoon she texted her friend Jill to tell her what she was wearing and that she was leaving her house. Minutes later her life would change forever.
From the night of the accident I knew that Courtney's determination could make the difference between life and death; coma and consciousness; independence and disability. As her mother I know that Courtney's stubbornness can be a blessing and a curse at once. And I knew that if she gave up at anytime it would be disastrous.
These days Courtney reflects on her accident and the past year's road to recovery. It is an emotional rollercoaster for her.
When she hears stories of less fortunate people it frightens her. Like the teenager who suffered a TBI playing football and 3 years later is just learning to walk -"why am I like this and he's like that?"
Or the 135 soldiers of the US Army who have committed suicide this year alone. "Why did they give up?" "I could have given up."
I don't have answers to these questions. Or other questions like "Why did this happen to me?" "Why am I like this?"
In Courtney's words "my accident haunts me", "it terrorizes me", "it makes me afraid of everything."
As her mother all I can do is hold Courtney and provide reassurance that the strong feelings of fear she has today will pass. But it's Courtney's courage and determination that keep her going.
At the same time she's afraid she's also said "If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn't take my accident away. It's brought so many people to God and to believe in the power of prayer."
She often says "It's because of the prayers of people like you, and so many others I don't even know, that I am where I am today."
God has blessed Courtney with an abundance of determination, persistence, courage and a great big heart under a tough exterior! It's these qualities and God's grace that have helped Courtney along the road of the last year. So today I'd like to share some her accomplishments during these past months:
February 13th We arrive home. Courtney's cognitive and emotional functioning fall between that of a 2 and 4 year old. I read to her each night from books like "Good Night Moon"
She still knows how to make pancakes but can't be trusted getting in and out of the car alone. We can't let her wander off in a store and never leave her home alone.
March 20 We celebrate "Christmas plus 87 days" with family and friends - to many to fit in the house. Thank God it's sunny (but cool) outside as everyone spills out into the yard.
We are frustrated at trying to find the right fit for Courtney for physical, speech and occupational therapy. She's surpassed what in-home therapy can provide but we're not happy with any programs we've looked at.
We purchase books from a learning store at the 1st and 2nd grade level.
Courtney is doing math, vocabulary and reading every day 15 minutes at a time. Her attention span doesn't allow for more.
April - Easter and we've finally found solutions for therapy. It's not integrated, rather messy but everyone is devoted to helping Courtney. She begins PT at Elite; OT and Speech at St. Joe's in Providence. Courtney is now cognitively and emotionally roughly 8 years old.
She is reading to me at night; working for up to 30 minutes at a time in school books and re-learning to ride her bike.
These first few months home were the best emotionally. Courtney has truly been reborn. She loves everything about life! Being with her is a high! "Ooooh I love tootsie pops!"
"Ooooh I love hoola hoops!" "Ooooh I love ...........everything!"
It was a joyous time that was, in hinesight, another gift from God. A breath - a filling up of the well before taking on the next tough battle in the war on TBI.
May comes and Courtney has moved up emotionally and cognitively to 10-12. She begins to gain insight into her situation; she understands that her friends have moved on with her lives but she has not. She's frustrated, sad, angry but lacks the emotional maturity to express it.
Once again Courtney is trapped inside herself - but this time it is a conscious, emotional entrapment that is torterous to watch.
She continues her therapy and has excelled at PT. Courtney and the occupational therapist do NOT hit it off! She lacks empathy and is condescending to Courtney. Big mistake!!!! It's not long before we realize that this 30 minutes a day is a waste of time. We abandon OT and focus solely on Speech.
Pat, Courtney's speech therapist is terrific. She gets Courtney!
Courtney spends her day with Maria who shuttles Courtney from appointment to appointment. Maria spends 5 days a week with Courtney - it's a tall order but Maria takes on the challenge. There's no rule book on handling a person recovering from TBI. References, yes, but the experience is individual - you have to go with the flow and be able to react (and not react). Maria handles it like a pro and keeps Courtney on the right path.
June "When can I drive?" "I want to go to a party sooooo bad." "Why can't I just go out like all the other kids?"
Sound familiar? Guess where we are right now? Yup! We're living the teenage years again!
I must have done something really bad to deserve this!!!! If you think it's bad the first time around, imagine knowing what you're in for and living it again!
But seriously, at every bad moment over the past year, I think to myself "thank you God for sparing Courtney's life."
Courtney has by now graduated from PT and the work is ratcheting up at Speech. We begin to wonder whether she'll be ready for URI in the Fall. The baclofin pump is removed - thank God - just in time for bathing suit season. This was a serious concern for Courtney since the pump protruded from her stomach. "I can't wear a bikini like this!" That's fine I'm sure Daddy has a bathrobe he'd rather see you in!
July - More of the same....the teenage years drag on. Courtney is driving with me in the car only. It's like the permit phase again; I make a comment and she doesn't like it. I respond:
"Well if you don't want to listen then you won't be driving." The battle rages on.
Courtney goes back to work with South Kingstown Parks and recreation camp - this year as a volunteer - 3 days a week for half the day.
August - We're having lots of fun times with family and friends at the beach and on the boat.
We are very lucky and know it! Courtney's driving more and now the question is "when can I drive alone?" I think "when I'm dead and buried!"
We know now that Courtney won't be going back to URI in the Fall but are hopeful that she can audit a class in January. She is determined and her work ethic is serving her well.
There are many typical TBI issues: impulsiveness, inpatience, mood swings, confusion, short term memory loss, the list goes on.
September - Courtney is frustrated that everyone is back to school and she is not. She's truly depressed and wondering if she'll ever have her life back again. I pray every day, all day "please God don't let her give up." She's come so far. I tell Courtney "you cannot think for one moment about giving up. It would be a grave injustice to all those who prayed for you and worked with you to get this far."
Courtney prays fervently every day for strength. It's been a long road and our entire family is by now battle weary.
Craig and I have not had time together as a couple for almost a year now. It's not supposed to be this way at this time in our lives. This is supposed to be our time - but God has other plans. We battle on, hopeful that we will have the strength to finish this journey.
Courtney is now cognitively and emotionally 18 years old. She's almost there but there's a lot of work ahead.
October and Courtney's initiative and drive have taken over. She calls Mr. Cardi from LaSalle and asks him to sit in on his classroom so that she can practice being in class, taking notes, etc.
This is one of the areas of executive functioning that is causing Courtney trouble.
Courtney begins volunteering at CJCR, now Immaculate Conception Parish school.
The children of Grade 1 classroom and their teacher are very happy to have Courtney. She loves her time there and is great with the kids.
Courtney undergoes a 4 hour Neuropsychological evaluation to determine at what level she is functioning in many areas. While Courtney has made huge gains there are still some areas of significant deficits. She works every day to overcome these deficits and find ways to compensate.
November Courtney is working with Mr. Cardi from LSA on a presentation to his PoliSci class on her time at the Obama Campaign.
She's working with her Speech therapist on her first term paper and soon they'll begin work on her portfolio that will be submitted to URI's Elementary Education department for her application. We will meet this month with a Dean at URI to formulate a plan for Courtney's re-entry into college life. She will take a class in the Spring semester on an audit basis.
Courtney is driving herself! We've purchased an SUV that is as close to a Bradley tank as we can find! It's terribly nerve racking for Craig and I but Courtney feels a level of independence that's necessary for her continued recovery.
Courtney knows now that her friends can not begin to understand where she's at. She knows that kids her age take so much for granted. She also realizes that she will never be the same. Not just because of what she's been through - but that SHE is not the same. TBI changes people. She struggles to explain it "my intellect is not the same" she often says.
The good news is that the brain is very "plastic" meaning that areas of the brain can take over for other areas permanently damaged. The younger you are the most "plastic" your brain. Recovery from TBI can last for years - improvements can be seen up to 4-5 years following an injury. As far as Courtney has come, we expect her to make even more gains in the future.
Here we are, one year later, the events of the past 12 months can be overwhelming to reflect upon. Sometimes distance provides clarity and when I look back over the past year it's almost like having an outer body experience. I can vividly see the small room we sat in after first arriving at the hospital; the waiting rooms on the 4th and 5th floors at RIH. The view out the window of Courtney's room in the TICU. The rooms at Braintree. I can remember conversations as they happened as though I am floating above the participants, watching, rather than participating.
Words could never describe the pain and agony of the past year. The grief, sorrow, relief, happiness and overwhelming joy are as intense upon reflection as when they were happening.
Very often people have said "I don't know how you did it." Well I do. It was all of you - your prayers, your thoughts, your emails, texts, cards, and blog comments that carried us through this difficult time.
I believe that God called to you and you answered. He sent us many gifts. The blog among the greatest of those gifts. The blog gave us the ability to reach hundreds of people - to ask you all to join us in prayer.
Thank you for answering this call. Thank you for taking this journey with us and for your many prayers. Thank God too for all the blessings he bestows on us every day.
I humbly asked you to pray for Courtney one year ago. Today I humbly ask that you continue to keep her in your prayers and for another prayer request.
You see there are soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan who do not have family in the US to support them. There are so many, but I have the names of a few who could use your prayers. If you could see to including them in your prayers this holiday season I'm certain that God will protect them both in battle and when they arrive home. Here are their names:
Charles
Joseph
Neil
Michael
Robert
Danny
Larry
Dan
Carmen
Thank you again and God Bless to all of you!
Diane
Today marks one year since Courtney's accident. It was a day just like today, rainy and windy. Courtney spent that day working out, doing homework, and preparing for the all important Saturday night of a college student.
At 4:30 that afternoon she texted her friend Jill to tell her what she was wearing and that she was leaving her house. Minutes later her life would change forever.
From the night of the accident I knew that Courtney's determination could make the difference between life and death; coma and consciousness; independence and disability. As her mother I know that Courtney's stubbornness can be a blessing and a curse at once. And I knew that if she gave up at anytime it would be disastrous.
These days Courtney reflects on her accident and the past year's road to recovery. It is an emotional rollercoaster for her.
When she hears stories of less fortunate people it frightens her. Like the teenager who suffered a TBI playing football and 3 years later is just learning to walk -"why am I like this and he's like that?"
Or the 135 soldiers of the US Army who have committed suicide this year alone. "Why did they give up?" "I could have given up."
I don't have answers to these questions. Or other questions like "Why did this happen to me?" "Why am I like this?"
In Courtney's words "my accident haunts me", "it terrorizes me", "it makes me afraid of everything."
As her mother all I can do is hold Courtney and provide reassurance that the strong feelings of fear she has today will pass. But it's Courtney's courage and determination that keep her going.
At the same time she's afraid she's also said "If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn't take my accident away. It's brought so many people to God and to believe in the power of prayer."
She often says "It's because of the prayers of people like you, and so many others I don't even know, that I am where I am today."
God has blessed Courtney with an abundance of determination, persistence, courage and a great big heart under a tough exterior! It's these qualities and God's grace that have helped Courtney along the road of the last year. So today I'd like to share some her accomplishments during these past months:
February 13th We arrive home. Courtney's cognitive and emotional functioning fall between that of a 2 and 4 year old. I read to her each night from books like "Good Night Moon"
She still knows how to make pancakes but can't be trusted getting in and out of the car alone. We can't let her wander off in a store and never leave her home alone.
March 20 We celebrate "Christmas plus 87 days" with family and friends - to many to fit in the house. Thank God it's sunny (but cool) outside as everyone spills out into the yard.
We are frustrated at trying to find the right fit for Courtney for physical, speech and occupational therapy. She's surpassed what in-home therapy can provide but we're not happy with any programs we've looked at.
We purchase books from a learning store at the 1st and 2nd grade level.
Courtney is doing math, vocabulary and reading every day 15 minutes at a time. Her attention span doesn't allow for more.
April - Easter and we've finally found solutions for therapy. It's not integrated, rather messy but everyone is devoted to helping Courtney. She begins PT at Elite; OT and Speech at St. Joe's in Providence. Courtney is now cognitively and emotionally roughly 8 years old.
She is reading to me at night; working for up to 30 minutes at a time in school books and re-learning to ride her bike.
These first few months home were the best emotionally. Courtney has truly been reborn. She loves everything about life! Being with her is a high! "Ooooh I love tootsie pops!"
"Ooooh I love hoola hoops!" "Ooooh I love ...........everything!"
It was a joyous time that was, in hinesight, another gift from God. A breath - a filling up of the well before taking on the next tough battle in the war on TBI.
May comes and Courtney has moved up emotionally and cognitively to 10-12. She begins to gain insight into her situation; she understands that her friends have moved on with her lives but she has not. She's frustrated, sad, angry but lacks the emotional maturity to express it.
Once again Courtney is trapped inside herself - but this time it is a conscious, emotional entrapment that is torterous to watch.
She continues her therapy and has excelled at PT. Courtney and the occupational therapist do NOT hit it off! She lacks empathy and is condescending to Courtney. Big mistake!!!! It's not long before we realize that this 30 minutes a day is a waste of time. We abandon OT and focus solely on Speech.
Pat, Courtney's speech therapist is terrific. She gets Courtney!
Courtney spends her day with Maria who shuttles Courtney from appointment to appointment. Maria spends 5 days a week with Courtney - it's a tall order but Maria takes on the challenge. There's no rule book on handling a person recovering from TBI. References, yes, but the experience is individual - you have to go with the flow and be able to react (and not react). Maria handles it like a pro and keeps Courtney on the right path.
June "When can I drive?" "I want to go to a party sooooo bad." "Why can't I just go out like all the other kids?"
Sound familiar? Guess where we are right now? Yup! We're living the teenage years again!
I must have done something really bad to deserve this!!!! If you think it's bad the first time around, imagine knowing what you're in for and living it again!
But seriously, at every bad moment over the past year, I think to myself "thank you God for sparing Courtney's life."
Courtney has by now graduated from PT and the work is ratcheting up at Speech. We begin to wonder whether she'll be ready for URI in the Fall. The baclofin pump is removed - thank God - just in time for bathing suit season. This was a serious concern for Courtney since the pump protruded from her stomach. "I can't wear a bikini like this!" That's fine I'm sure Daddy has a bathrobe he'd rather see you in!
July - More of the same....the teenage years drag on. Courtney is driving with me in the car only. It's like the permit phase again; I make a comment and she doesn't like it. I respond:
"Well if you don't want to listen then you won't be driving." The battle rages on.
Courtney goes back to work with South Kingstown Parks and recreation camp - this year as a volunteer - 3 days a week for half the day.
August - We're having lots of fun times with family and friends at the beach and on the boat.
We are very lucky and know it! Courtney's driving more and now the question is "when can I drive alone?" I think "when I'm dead and buried!"
We know now that Courtney won't be going back to URI in the Fall but are hopeful that she can audit a class in January. She is determined and her work ethic is serving her well.
There are many typical TBI issues: impulsiveness, inpatience, mood swings, confusion, short term memory loss, the list goes on.
September - Courtney is frustrated that everyone is back to school and she is not. She's truly depressed and wondering if she'll ever have her life back again. I pray every day, all day "please God don't let her give up." She's come so far. I tell Courtney "you cannot think for one moment about giving up. It would be a grave injustice to all those who prayed for you and worked with you to get this far."
Courtney prays fervently every day for strength. It's been a long road and our entire family is by now battle weary.
Craig and I have not had time together as a couple for almost a year now. It's not supposed to be this way at this time in our lives. This is supposed to be our time - but God has other plans. We battle on, hopeful that we will have the strength to finish this journey.
Courtney is now cognitively and emotionally 18 years old. She's almost there but there's a lot of work ahead.
October and Courtney's initiative and drive have taken over. She calls Mr. Cardi from LaSalle and asks him to sit in on his classroom so that she can practice being in class, taking notes, etc.
This is one of the areas of executive functioning that is causing Courtney trouble.
Courtney begins volunteering at CJCR, now Immaculate Conception Parish school.
The children of Grade 1 classroom and their teacher are very happy to have Courtney. She loves her time there and is great with the kids.
Courtney undergoes a 4 hour Neuropsychological evaluation to determine at what level she is functioning in many areas. While Courtney has made huge gains there are still some areas of significant deficits. She works every day to overcome these deficits and find ways to compensate.
November Courtney is working with Mr. Cardi from LSA on a presentation to his PoliSci class on her time at the Obama Campaign.
She's working with her Speech therapist on her first term paper and soon they'll begin work on her portfolio that will be submitted to URI's Elementary Education department for her application. We will meet this month with a Dean at URI to formulate a plan for Courtney's re-entry into college life. She will take a class in the Spring semester on an audit basis.
Courtney is driving herself! We've purchased an SUV that is as close to a Bradley tank as we can find! It's terribly nerve racking for Craig and I but Courtney feels a level of independence that's necessary for her continued recovery.
Courtney knows now that her friends can not begin to understand where she's at. She knows that kids her age take so much for granted. She also realizes that she will never be the same. Not just because of what she's been through - but that SHE is not the same. TBI changes people. She struggles to explain it "my intellect is not the same" she often says.
The good news is that the brain is very "plastic" meaning that areas of the brain can take over for other areas permanently damaged. The younger you are the most "plastic" your brain. Recovery from TBI can last for years - improvements can be seen up to 4-5 years following an injury. As far as Courtney has come, we expect her to make even more gains in the future.
Here we are, one year later, the events of the past 12 months can be overwhelming to reflect upon. Sometimes distance provides clarity and when I look back over the past year it's almost like having an outer body experience. I can vividly see the small room we sat in after first arriving at the hospital; the waiting rooms on the 4th and 5th floors at RIH. The view out the window of Courtney's room in the TICU. The rooms at Braintree. I can remember conversations as they happened as though I am floating above the participants, watching, rather than participating.
Words could never describe the pain and agony of the past year. The grief, sorrow, relief, happiness and overwhelming joy are as intense upon reflection as when they were happening.
Very often people have said "I don't know how you did it." Well I do. It was all of you - your prayers, your thoughts, your emails, texts, cards, and blog comments that carried us through this difficult time.
I believe that God called to you and you answered. He sent us many gifts. The blog among the greatest of those gifts. The blog gave us the ability to reach hundreds of people - to ask you all to join us in prayer.
Thank you for answering this call. Thank you for taking this journey with us and for your many prayers. Thank God too for all the blessings he bestows on us every day.
I humbly asked you to pray for Courtney one year ago. Today I humbly ask that you continue to keep her in your prayers and for another prayer request.
You see there are soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan who do not have family in the US to support them. There are so many, but I have the names of a few who could use your prayers. If you could see to including them in your prayers this holiday season I'm certain that God will protect them both in battle and when they arrive home. Here are their names:
Charles
Joseph
Neil
Michael
Robert
Danny
Larry
Dan
Carmen
Thank you again and God Bless to all of you!
Diane
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
What has Happened to me?
One of the questions that Courtney has been asking Diane and I is " What has happened to me?"
This question is common for many people with brain injuries and is part of the healing process of a traumatic brain injury. When the brain gets injured many things can happen depending upon the site of the injury. For example the portion of the brain that controls the concept of "the self image" can cause conflicting messages to be sent between other areas of the brain.
Imagine for a minute that you wake up and you remember some events from your past yet other events are not quite clear. You cannot quite figure out why things are different. You remember that you were good at math but now you cannot quite figure out how much change you get after spending $1.00 from a $5.00 bill after a small purchase. Things don't seem to compute quite as easily in the afternoon as they did in the morning. You remember how to make a meal but somehow when you read a new recipe you cannot quite put it all together. It can take it's toll on your self image. It takes constant reassurance and a strong will to overcome negative thoughts that accompany her on a daily if not hourly basis.
The above examples are just a few of the many situations that Courtney has overcome through hard work at therapy during the day. At night Diane and Courtney will play board games(scrabble, jeopardy, etc) to continue the relearning process. Courtney knows that these types of cognitive exercises bring her closer to her goal of returning to the University of Rhode Island and that is why she presses on, every day and every night. Working her way back to "her life".
A few months ago Diane found a story written by a young woman with a brain injury. The story was entitled " A letter from you Brain" and was written by Stephanie St.Claire. The following is the text of the letter. Diane and I found the letter to be very accurate and shows the inner strength God and provided to people with brain injuries.
A Letter From Your Brain by Stephanie St. Claire
Hello,
I'm glad to see that you are awake! This is your brain talking. I had to find some way to communicate with you. I feel like I barely survived WWIII and am still not quite all in one piece. That's why I need you. I need you to take care of me.
As time passes and you and I feel better and better, people, even doctors, will tell you that we are fine, "it's time to get on with life." That sounds good to me and probably even better to you. But before you go rushing back out into that big wide world, I need you to listen to me, really listen. Don't shut me out. Don't tune me out. When I'm getting into trouble I'll need your help more than I ever have before.
I know that you want to believe that we are going to be the same. I'll do my best to make that happen. The problem is that too many people in our situation get impatient and try to rush the healing process; or when their brains can't fully recover they deny it and, instead of adapting, they force their brains to function in ways they are no longer able too. Some people even push their brains until they seize, and worse... I'm scared. I'm afraid that you will do that to me. If you don't accept me I am lost. We both will be lost.
How can I tell you how much I need you now? I need you to accept me as I am today... not for what I used to be, or what I might be in the future. So many people are so busy looking at what their brains used to do, as if past accomplishments were a magical yardstick to measure present success or failures that they fail to see how far their brains have come. It's as if here is shame, or guilt, in being injured. Silly, huh?
Please don't be embarrassed or feel guilt, or shame, because of me. We are okay. We have made it this far. If you work with me we can make it even further. I can't say how far. I won't make any false promises. I can only promise you this, that I will do my best.
What I need you to do is this: because neither of us knows how badly I've been hurt (things are still a little foggy for me), or how much I will recover, or how quickly, please go s-l-o-w-l-y when you start back trying to resume your life. If I give you a headache, or make you sick to your stomach, or make you unusually irritable, or confused, or disoriented, or afraid, or make you feel that you are overdoing it, I'm trying to get your attention in the only way I can. Stop and listen to me.
I get exhausted easily since being hurt, and cannot succeed when overworked. I want to succeed as much as you do. I want to be as well as I can be, but I need to do it at a different pace than I could before I got hurt. Help me to help us by paying attention and heeding the messages I send to you.
I will do my part to do my very best to get us back on our feet. I am a little worried though that if I am not exactly the same you will reject me. I want us to live, and breath and be, even if being is not the same as it was. Different may be better. It may be harder too, but I don't want you to give up. Don't give up on me. Don't give up on yourself. Our time here isn't through yet. There are things that I want to do and I want to try, even if trying has to be done in a different way. It isn't easy. I have to work very hard, much harder, and I know that you do too. I see people scoff, and misunderstand. I don't care. What I do care about is that you understand how hard I am working and how much I want to be as good as I can be, but I need you to take good care of us, as well as you can do that.
Don't be ashamed of me. We are alive. We are still here. I want the chance to try to show you what we are made of. I want to show you the things that are really important in life. We have been given another chance to be better, to learn what is really important. When it is finally time for our final exit I would like to look back and feel good about what we made of us and out of everything that made up our life, including this injury. I cannot do it without you. I cannot do it if you hate me for the way being injured has affected me and our life together. Please try not to be bitter in grief. That would crush me.
Please don't reject me. There is little I can do without you, without your determination to not give up. Take good care of us and of yourself. I need you very much, especially now.
Love,
your wounded brain
This question is common for many people with brain injuries and is part of the healing process of a traumatic brain injury. When the brain gets injured many things can happen depending upon the site of the injury. For example the portion of the brain that controls the concept of "the self image" can cause conflicting messages to be sent between other areas of the brain.
Imagine for a minute that you wake up and you remember some events from your past yet other events are not quite clear. You cannot quite figure out why things are different. You remember that you were good at math but now you cannot quite figure out how much change you get after spending $1.00 from a $5.00 bill after a small purchase. Things don't seem to compute quite as easily in the afternoon as they did in the morning. You remember how to make a meal but somehow when you read a new recipe you cannot quite put it all together. It can take it's toll on your self image. It takes constant reassurance and a strong will to overcome negative thoughts that accompany her on a daily if not hourly basis.
The above examples are just a few of the many situations that Courtney has overcome through hard work at therapy during the day. At night Diane and Courtney will play board games(scrabble, jeopardy, etc) to continue the relearning process. Courtney knows that these types of cognitive exercises bring her closer to her goal of returning to the University of Rhode Island and that is why she presses on, every day and every night. Working her way back to "her life".
A few months ago Diane found a story written by a young woman with a brain injury. The story was entitled " A letter from you Brain" and was written by Stephanie St.Claire. The following is the text of the letter. Diane and I found the letter to be very accurate and shows the inner strength God and provided to people with brain injuries.
A Letter From Your Brain by Stephanie St. Claire
Hello,
I'm glad to see that you are awake! This is your brain talking. I had to find some way to communicate with you. I feel like I barely survived WWIII and am still not quite all in one piece. That's why I need you. I need you to take care of me.
As time passes and you and I feel better and better, people, even doctors, will tell you that we are fine, "it's time to get on with life." That sounds good to me and probably even better to you. But before you go rushing back out into that big wide world, I need you to listen to me, really listen. Don't shut me out. Don't tune me out. When I'm getting into trouble I'll need your help more than I ever have before.
I know that you want to believe that we are going to be the same. I'll do my best to make that happen. The problem is that too many people in our situation get impatient and try to rush the healing process; or when their brains can't fully recover they deny it and, instead of adapting, they force their brains to function in ways they are no longer able too. Some people even push their brains until they seize, and worse... I'm scared. I'm afraid that you will do that to me. If you don't accept me I am lost. We both will be lost.
How can I tell you how much I need you now? I need you to accept me as I am today... not for what I used to be, or what I might be in the future. So many people are so busy looking at what their brains used to do, as if past accomplishments were a magical yardstick to measure present success or failures that they fail to see how far their brains have come. It's as if here is shame, or guilt, in being injured. Silly, huh?
Please don't be embarrassed or feel guilt, or shame, because of me. We are okay. We have made it this far. If you work with me we can make it even further. I can't say how far. I won't make any false promises. I can only promise you this, that I will do my best.
What I need you to do is this: because neither of us knows how badly I've been hurt (things are still a little foggy for me), or how much I will recover, or how quickly, please go s-l-o-w-l-y when you start back trying to resume your life. If I give you a headache, or make you sick to your stomach, or make you unusually irritable, or confused, or disoriented, or afraid, or make you feel that you are overdoing it, I'm trying to get your attention in the only way I can. Stop and listen to me.
I get exhausted easily since being hurt, and cannot succeed when overworked. I want to succeed as much as you do. I want to be as well as I can be, but I need to do it at a different pace than I could before I got hurt. Help me to help us by paying attention and heeding the messages I send to you.
I will do my part to do my very best to get us back on our feet. I am a little worried though that if I am not exactly the same you will reject me. I want us to live, and breath and be, even if being is not the same as it was. Different may be better. It may be harder too, but I don't want you to give up. Don't give up on me. Don't give up on yourself. Our time here isn't through yet. There are things that I want to do and I want to try, even if trying has to be done in a different way. It isn't easy. I have to work very hard, much harder, and I know that you do too. I see people scoff, and misunderstand. I don't care. What I do care about is that you understand how hard I am working and how much I want to be as good as I can be, but I need you to take good care of us, as well as you can do that.
Don't be ashamed of me. We are alive. We are still here. I want the chance to try to show you what we are made of. I want to show you the things that are really important in life. We have been given another chance to be better, to learn what is really important. When it is finally time for our final exit I would like to look back and feel good about what we made of us and out of everything that made up our life, including this injury. I cannot do it without you. I cannot do it if you hate me for the way being injured has affected me and our life together. Please try not to be bitter in grief. That would crush me.
Please don't reject me. There is little I can do without you, without your determination to not give up. Take good care of us and of yourself. I need you very much, especially now.
Love,
your wounded brain
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
"A Long Winters Nap"
Diane and I have talked over the summer of updating the blog because we still receive multiple phone calls on Courtney's progress. So here is the latest update.
Last month Courtney received an award for achievement from Braintreee Rehab Hospital. She was so proud to accept this award! Many of the staff who worked with Courtney were in attendance. Needless to say there were many hugs and happy tears. This was a person who entered the hospital as a 3 on the GCS coma scale and walked out the door under her own power in less than 2 months. We were originally told that she would be at Braintree for 6-8 months!
Courtney continues to do well physically and in June had the baclofin pump removed from her abdomen. The Dr's originally told us that this pump which was implanted surgically would be in for 7-8 years! Courtney had it in for 5 months. It was taken out because she has really worked hard at Physical Therapy. As one of the physical therapist's said she is working like a professional athlete. This allowed her to go to Green Hill Beach and enjoy the few nice beach days there were! She also re-learned how to ride a bike! the smile on her face was as wide as the street that day!
The summer of 2009 has a lesson in patience and determination for all of us. Courtney is showing us that she wants to get her "life back". Progress is made only through her determination and willingness to succeed. At this point she is recognizing that she has to overcome some obstacles and this is good as it shows an increased awareness of the "self" It is also very frustrating because she wants to "do all of the stuff" that she did before the accident and at this point not all of that is happening to her time frame.
Her weeks are filled with therapy and rest periods and then "homework". Homework consists of cognitive drills, memorization techniques, re-learning math(Ouch), writing short stories. This is all hard work for her and yet she never stops trying. Being stubborn has its merits!
We had many celebrations this summer with one party that was attended by almost 100 friends and family. We celebrated not only Courtney's miracle but also the fact that we have been blessed by so many people to support her and our family during this difficult time.
In a few weeks we will approach the 1 yr anniversary of the accident( November 15, 2008) Both Diane and I are beginning to have memories that we had put behind us resurface again. We are sure that the next few weeks will be difficult for our family. We are so, so grateful to be at the point where we are today
I have posted a couple of pictures that show how far she has come in the last 11 months. The pictures do not capture the whole ordeal but nonetheless convey the progress she had made. Courtney had coined time last winter as "The Long Winters Nap" and we can all understand why!
Craig
Last month Courtney received an award for achievement from Braintreee Rehab Hospital. She was so proud to accept this award! Many of the staff who worked with Courtney were in attendance. Needless to say there were many hugs and happy tears. This was a person who entered the hospital as a 3 on the GCS coma scale and walked out the door under her own power in less than 2 months. We were originally told that she would be at Braintree for 6-8 months!
Courtney continues to do well physically and in June had the baclofin pump removed from her abdomen. The Dr's originally told us that this pump which was implanted surgically would be in for 7-8 years! Courtney had it in for 5 months. It was taken out because she has really worked hard at Physical Therapy. As one of the physical therapist's said she is working like a professional athlete. This allowed her to go to Green Hill Beach and enjoy the few nice beach days there were! She also re-learned how to ride a bike! the smile on her face was as wide as the street that day!
The summer of 2009 has a lesson in patience and determination for all of us. Courtney is showing us that she wants to get her "life back". Progress is made only through her determination and willingness to succeed. At this point she is recognizing that she has to overcome some obstacles and this is good as it shows an increased awareness of the "self" It is also very frustrating because she wants to "do all of the stuff" that she did before the accident and at this point not all of that is happening to her time frame.
Her weeks are filled with therapy and rest periods and then "homework". Homework consists of cognitive drills, memorization techniques, re-learning math(Ouch), writing short stories. This is all hard work for her and yet she never stops trying. Being stubborn has its merits!
We had many celebrations this summer with one party that was attended by almost 100 friends and family. We celebrated not only Courtney's miracle but also the fact that we have been blessed by so many people to support her and our family during this difficult time.
In a few weeks we will approach the 1 yr anniversary of the accident( November 15, 2008) Both Diane and I are beginning to have memories that we had put behind us resurface again. We are sure that the next few weeks will be difficult for our family. We are so, so grateful to be at the point where we are today
I have posted a couple of pictures that show how far she has come in the last 11 months. The pictures do not capture the whole ordeal but nonetheless convey the progress she had made. Courtney had coined time last winter as "The Long Winters Nap" and we can all understand why!
Craig
Saturday, May 9, 2009
By The Grace Of God And A Mothers Love
I have not posted to Courtney's Blog in quite awhile because my wonderful wife has written with such eloquence, grace and heartfelt thanks for the wonderful gift that was bestowed on our family.
I chose this weekend because for months I have been reflecting on how God spared my daughters life working through her beautiful mother. Tomorrow, is Mothers Day so I felt it most appropriate to post now.
For the last 6 months I have been a witness to the faith, courage and strength of my wife as we traveled the "Road to Recovery" for Courtney
On November 15, 2009 Diane and I were to have a quiet dinner at the home of our close friends Ed and Lynn Aberger. Courtney had her own dinner plans to meet her close friend Jillian and then later to return to our house to stay the night, have a breakfast with her Mom and I then return to her apartment in Narragansett. Courtney by nature is a very punctual, dependable young women and when she had not arrived at the restaurant at her scheduled time of 5:00 pm Jill knew instinctively that something was very wrong. At 5:30, Diane and I had just arrived at the Abergers and Diane's cell phone rang, it was Jillian calling to tell Diane that Courtney had not returned her text messages or phone calls.
Diane also knew that something was terribly wrong at that moment, yes a mothers intuition. Ed, Lynn and myself discussed for a few minutes if indeed something was wrong with Courtney, perhaps a flat tire, maybe the her cell phone was dead. We waited for a few minutes when Lynn suggested that we call the Narragansett Police and see if perhaps they could send a police car by her apartment to check on her well being.
Diane dialed the Narragansett Police as I was standing close to her side. Diane only identified herself that "her daughter was a Narragansett resident"... the dispatcher replied "is this Courtney Hollingworth's mom? I saw the terrified look on Diane's face, a look that I had never seen on Diane's face ever. Diane replied "Yes, what has happened? The dispatcher responded that "Courtney has been in a very intensive accident and we are attempting to have her airlifted to the Trauma Center at Rhode Island Hospital. The Trauma Center Intensive Care Unit would be our home for the next 6 weeks.
When we arrived at the hospital , we were ushered into a "family room" by a social worker who told us that the "priest would be there in a minute or two, they had been expecting us". Where was Courtney? I thought to myself. I gave a glance at Ed and his face had a look of terrible foreboding.
For almost 55 minutes, we waited for the Chief of Trauma to speak with us. He demeanor was solemn, quiet. He began to list Courtney's injuries, All ribs fractured, clavicle bones fractured, shoulder fractured, right arm fractured, small bones in neck fractured, small bones in her lower spine fractured, both lungs badly damaged and collapsed, small fractures to both cheek bones, skull fractured in three places and then finally she has suffered a severe traumatic brain injury(TBI). It would be at least 5 days before the Dr's would know if she were to survive let alone what brain functions had been affected. Courtney was in a very deep Coma. Diane began to pray.. there was never any doubt in how we would handle this situation, we would turn to God.
During the next 13 weeks, Diane devoted all of her motherly intuitions, skills, love and prayer to Courtney. She maintained a bedside vigil in Courtney's room assisting the nursing staff in anyway she could, applying all the instincts that a mother possess, helping with bathing, changing the bedding, re-positioning Courtney's body in the bed, holding Courtney's Hand, stroking her face, singing to Courtney, talking to Courtney, reciting prayers while applying holy water, when Courtney's body temp rose to above 107 deg, she assisted the nurses placing ice packs, when the neurological exams came back grave, she prayed. She once told me that there is "No fear in life when you place your whole heart in Gods hands"
Diane took time to comfort and sooth Katy and Claudia while they also suffered in our family's pain for Courtney. She taught Katy and Claudia that love, kindness, compassion for others is really the only true path in life and that while Courtney was very ill, sadness, pity and hopelessness have no place in the hearts of those with hope. Diane did not just speak the words of the courageous, she lived the same words she spoke.
When Courtney was finally transferred to Braintree Rehab Hospital outside of Boston, Diane maintained her bedside vigil with Courtney. Diane would arrive at Courtney's room every morning by 7:30 to help bath, change, reposition, the list is endless and would continue until 8:00 pm or later, 7 days a week for months, even through snowstorms. When Diane was not attending to Courtney, she would lifting the spirits of visitors, friends, etc.
I have no words that could ever express my thanks for the Grace of God and my wife's Love for bringing my daughter back to us. I am humbled that she is my best friend for she is all that a wife and mother could ever be. I am sure that Diane may even be embarrassed by words on this post, nonetheless they are all true. I am also sure that Diane would point out that every mother would do the same for their child as she has done for our children. Even so, this experience on "Courtney's Road to Recovery" has shown me that the reason there is a "Mother's Day" is because of mom's like Diane.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY,
Love Craig
c
I chose this weekend because for months I have been reflecting on how God spared my daughters life working through her beautiful mother. Tomorrow, is Mothers Day so I felt it most appropriate to post now.
For the last 6 months I have been a witness to the faith, courage and strength of my wife as we traveled the "Road to Recovery" for Courtney
On November 15, 2009 Diane and I were to have a quiet dinner at the home of our close friends Ed and Lynn Aberger. Courtney had her own dinner plans to meet her close friend Jillian and then later to return to our house to stay the night, have a breakfast with her Mom and I then return to her apartment in Narragansett. Courtney by nature is a very punctual, dependable young women and when she had not arrived at the restaurant at her scheduled time of 5:00 pm Jill knew instinctively that something was very wrong. At 5:30, Diane and I had just arrived at the Abergers and Diane's cell phone rang, it was Jillian calling to tell Diane that Courtney had not returned her text messages or phone calls.
Diane also knew that something was terribly wrong at that moment, yes a mothers intuition. Ed, Lynn and myself discussed for a few minutes if indeed something was wrong with Courtney, perhaps a flat tire, maybe the her cell phone was dead. We waited for a few minutes when Lynn suggested that we call the Narragansett Police and see if perhaps they could send a police car by her apartment to check on her well being.
Diane dialed the Narragansett Police as I was standing close to her side. Diane only identified herself that "her daughter was a Narragansett resident"... the dispatcher replied "is this Courtney Hollingworth's mom? I saw the terrified look on Diane's face, a look that I had never seen on Diane's face ever. Diane replied "Yes, what has happened? The dispatcher responded that "Courtney has been in a very intensive accident and we are attempting to have her airlifted to the Trauma Center at Rhode Island Hospital. The Trauma Center Intensive Care Unit would be our home for the next 6 weeks.
When we arrived at the hospital , we were ushered into a "family room" by a social worker who told us that the "priest would be there in a minute or two, they had been expecting us". Where was Courtney? I thought to myself. I gave a glance at Ed and his face had a look of terrible foreboding.
For almost 55 minutes, we waited for the Chief of Trauma to speak with us. He demeanor was solemn, quiet. He began to list Courtney's injuries, All ribs fractured, clavicle bones fractured, shoulder fractured, right arm fractured, small bones in neck fractured, small bones in her lower spine fractured, both lungs badly damaged and collapsed, small fractures to both cheek bones, skull fractured in three places and then finally she has suffered a severe traumatic brain injury(TBI). It would be at least 5 days before the Dr's would know if she were to survive let alone what brain functions had been affected. Courtney was in a very deep Coma. Diane began to pray.. there was never any doubt in how we would handle this situation, we would turn to God.
During the next 13 weeks, Diane devoted all of her motherly intuitions, skills, love and prayer to Courtney. She maintained a bedside vigil in Courtney's room assisting the nursing staff in anyway she could, applying all the instincts that a mother possess, helping with bathing, changing the bedding, re-positioning Courtney's body in the bed, holding Courtney's Hand, stroking her face, singing to Courtney, talking to Courtney, reciting prayers while applying holy water, when Courtney's body temp rose to above 107 deg, she assisted the nurses placing ice packs, when the neurological exams came back grave, she prayed. She once told me that there is "No fear in life when you place your whole heart in Gods hands"
Diane took time to comfort and sooth Katy and Claudia while they also suffered in our family's pain for Courtney. She taught Katy and Claudia that love, kindness, compassion for others is really the only true path in life and that while Courtney was very ill, sadness, pity and hopelessness have no place in the hearts of those with hope. Diane did not just speak the words of the courageous, she lived the same words she spoke.
When Courtney was finally transferred to Braintree Rehab Hospital outside of Boston, Diane maintained her bedside vigil with Courtney. Diane would arrive at Courtney's room every morning by 7:30 to help bath, change, reposition, the list is endless and would continue until 8:00 pm or later, 7 days a week for months, even through snowstorms. When Diane was not attending to Courtney, she would lifting the spirits of visitors, friends, etc.
I have no words that could ever express my thanks for the Grace of God and my wife's Love for bringing my daughter back to us. I am humbled that she is my best friend for she is all that a wife and mother could ever be. I am sure that Diane may even be embarrassed by words on this post, nonetheless they are all true. I am also sure that Diane would point out that every mother would do the same for their child as she has done for our children. Even so, this experience on "Courtney's Road to Recovery" has shown me that the reason there is a "Mother's Day" is because of mom's like Diane.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY,
Love Craig
c
Friday, May 1, 2009
RONALD MCDONALD WALK INFORMATION
THE WALK STARTS FROM THE ROGER WILLIAMS PARK
TEMPLE TO MUSIC
THE WALK STARTS AT 9AM ACCORDING TO RADIO ANNOUNCEMENTS
YOU WILL WANT TO ARRIVE CLOSE BY 8:30 IN ORDER TO FIND A PARKING SPOT AND GET TO OUR STAGING AREA (SEE BELOW)
WALKS IN THE PAST HAVE PROVEN THAT THE PARKING SITUATION THERE IS DIFFICULT AND TRAFFIC BACKS UP SIGNIFICANTLY
HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS:
ARRIVE EARLY (duh!)
ENTER THROUGH THE BROAD STREET OR PARK AVENUE PARK ENTRANCES RATHER THAN THE ELMWOOD AVENUE MAIN ENTRANCES
CONSIDER PARKING AT PARK VIEW MIDDLE SCHOOL
PARK AVENUE, CRANSTON (KEEP IN MIND IT'S A BIT OF A WALK TO THE START LINE)
PARKING AT THE PARK:
ZOO PARKING LOTS ARE VERY LARGE
'CASINO' PARKING LOT (NEAR ELMWOOD AVENUE ENTRANCE)
CONSIDER CAR POOLING!!!
THERE WILL BE MANY SIGNS DIRECTING YOU TO THE START LINE OF THE WALK. LOOK FOR THE TEAM COURTNEY SIGNS TO LOCATE OUR TEAM.
PLEASE COME TO OUR 'STAGING AREA' TO PICK UP YOUR T SHIRT.
WE HAVE MADE 55 SHIRTS - ENOUGH FOR ALL WALKERS WHO REGISTERED THROUGH YESTERDAY.
FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS
SEE YOU ALL THERE!
TEMPLE TO MUSIC
THE WALK STARTS AT 9AM ACCORDING TO RADIO ANNOUNCEMENTS
YOU WILL WANT TO ARRIVE CLOSE BY 8:30 IN ORDER TO FIND A PARKING SPOT AND GET TO OUR STAGING AREA (SEE BELOW)
WALKS IN THE PAST HAVE PROVEN THAT THE PARKING SITUATION THERE IS DIFFICULT AND TRAFFIC BACKS UP SIGNIFICANTLY
HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS:
ARRIVE EARLY (duh!)
ENTER THROUGH THE BROAD STREET OR PARK AVENUE PARK ENTRANCES RATHER THAN THE ELMWOOD AVENUE MAIN ENTRANCES
CONSIDER PARKING AT PARK VIEW MIDDLE SCHOOL
PARK AVENUE, CRANSTON (KEEP IN MIND IT'S A BIT OF A WALK TO THE START LINE)
PARKING AT THE PARK:
ZOO PARKING LOTS ARE VERY LARGE
'CASINO' PARKING LOT (NEAR ELMWOOD AVENUE ENTRANCE)
CONSIDER CAR POOLING!!!
THERE WILL BE MANY SIGNS DIRECTING YOU TO THE START LINE OF THE WALK. LOOK FOR THE TEAM COURTNEY SIGNS TO LOCATE OUR TEAM.
PLEASE COME TO OUR 'STAGING AREA' TO PICK UP YOUR T SHIRT.
WE HAVE MADE 55 SHIRTS - ENOUGH FOR ALL WALKERS WHO REGISTERED THROUGH YESTERDAY.
FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS
SEE YOU ALL THERE!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Update
The mass on Thursday was beautiful. We want to thank Fr. Kenney and Mrs. Donahue-Lynch from LaSalle. We will be thinking about 'save the princess' for some time to come!
Thank you also to the amazing voices of the Pilgrim High School Accepella Choir and Women's Choir. There were over a dozen kids who took time out of their week, on their own to share their talents with us.
To date there are 40 people that we know of registered for the Ronald Mcdonald walk-a-thon.
If you registered and did not indicate that you would be walking with TEAM COURTNEY please contact The Providence Ronald McDonald House and ask that they add your name to the team list. 274-4447
Otherwise we have t-shirts for everyone identified as walking with TEAM COURTNEY.
We will have a table set up (look for the TEAM COURTNEY PINK SIGNS) with beverages and refreshments. Looking forward to seeing you all there for the 8:30 start!
Thank you also to the amazing voices of the Pilgrim High School Accepella Choir and Women's Choir. There were over a dozen kids who took time out of their week, on their own to share their talents with us.
To date there are 40 people that we know of registered for the Ronald Mcdonald walk-a-thon.
If you registered and did not indicate that you would be walking with TEAM COURTNEY please contact The Providence Ronald McDonald House and ask that they add your name to the team list. 274-4447
Otherwise we have t-shirts for everyone identified as walking with TEAM COURTNEY.
We will have a table set up (look for the TEAM COURTNEY PINK SIGNS) with beverages and refreshments. Looking forward to seeing you all there for the 8:30 start!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
For the past few weeks, I've been going to St. Joes, and Elite. At the gym,the other day I ran on the treadmill and my Mom and I were so proud. Yesterday, I rode my bike for the first time. It was so exciting, and my Dad got it on video. On Easter Sunday, the mass was beautiful. Lately, I do basically everything on my own. I make my bed, all personal needs, I do the dishes, and laundry. I almost do everything I used to do. The walkathon, I think everyone who can go, should go and do it. A lot of people tell me that I look, and sound like "the old Courtney". I am pretty proud of myself, and where I came from after everything that happened to me.
Friday, April 17, 2009
RONALD MCDONALD WALK MAY 3RD
THANKS TO AUNTIE MOE FOR SETTING UP TEAM COURTNEY
YOU CAN JOIN TEAM COURTNEY BY CLICKING ON THIS LINK
REMEMBER TO POST A COMMENT OR SEND ME AN EMAIL WITH YOUR T-SHIRT SIZE!
YOU CAN ALSO DONATE ONLINE AT WWW.FIRSTGIVING.COM/DIANEHOLLINGWORTH
http://www.firstgiving.com/process/teamarea/default.asp
YOU CAN JOIN TEAM COURTNEY BY CLICKING ON THIS LINK
REMEMBER TO POST A COMMENT OR SEND ME AN EMAIL WITH YOUR T-SHIRT SIZE!
YOU CAN ALSO DONATE ONLINE AT WWW.FIRSTGIVING.COM/DIANEHOLLINGWORTH
http://www.firstgiving.com/process/teamarea/default.asp
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easter Happiness
Thank you to Fr. Ron Brassard for offering this morning's 11:30 mass in thanksgiving for Courtney's miraculous healing. It was a beautiful mass and we enjoyed seeing many of our friends and family.
The Immaculate Conception parish family prayed for Courtney throughout these past 5 months.
We are aware that many churches and faith/school communities of various denominations have been praying for Courtney. If you would like to tell us about yours please post a comment so that we can offer our thanks and add your community to our prayer list for continued faithfulness.
While reflecting on the past 5 months during Easter mass I remembered reading in the Bible and hearing the prayers of so many who came to pray over Courtney "let God be exaulted through a miracle." Today's readings offered those same words and God has truly been exaulted as we know that the power of prayer and God's miraculous love has brought Courtney back to us!!
The Immaculate Conception parish family prayed for Courtney throughout these past 5 months.
We are aware that many churches and faith/school communities of various denominations have been praying for Courtney. If you would like to tell us about yours please post a comment so that we can offer our thanks and add your community to our prayer list for continued faithfulness.
While reflecting on the past 5 months during Easter mass I remembered reading in the Bible and hearing the prayers of so many who came to pray over Courtney "let God be exaulted through a miracle." Today's readings offered those same words and God has truly been exaulted as we know that the power of prayer and God's miraculous love has brought Courtney back to us!!
Walk with Courtney's Team Sunday May 3rd
Below is the online registration link for the walkathon:
http://www.providenceronaldmcdonaldhouse.org/walk_registration09.html
OR you can use the printable registration form for the walkathon:
http://www.providenceronaldmcdonaldhouse.org/images/walk09/walkregistrationsheetweb.pdf
If you plan to walk please also post a comment and tell us who you are and the shirt sizes of all walkers. We will supply Courtney's Team shirts for everyone who walks.
http://www.providenceronaldmcdonaldhouse.org/walk_registration09.html
OR you can use the printable registration form for the walkathon:
http://www.providenceronaldmcdonaldhouse.org/images/walk09/walkregistrationsheetweb.pdf
If you plan to walk please also post a comment and tell us who you are and the shirt sizes of all walkers. We will supply Courtney's Team shirts for everyone who walks.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Upcoming "Events"
The Ronald McDonald House was our home away from home while Courtney was at RIH.
To honor their hospitality and Courtney's miraculous recovery we are organizing
TEAM COURTNEY for the Annual Ronald McDonald House Walkathon
The walk takes place Sunday May 3rd
You can register to walk on Courtney's team online or by posting a comment here. We will supply all walkers with Courtney T-shirts (pink of course!)
If you can't walk but would like to donate go to : www.firstgiving.com/dianehollingworth
More information will be posted soon but don't delay - SIGN UP NOW!
Also, there will be a Mass of Thanksgiving for Courtney's healing at LaSalle Academy in Providence on Thursday April 23rd 7pm. Fr. Al Kenney will celebrate the mass. We look forward to seeing many many people there to help thank God for his grace.
To honor their hospitality and Courtney's miraculous recovery we are organizing
TEAM COURTNEY for the Annual Ronald McDonald House Walkathon
The walk takes place Sunday May 3rd
You can register to walk on Courtney's team online or by posting a comment here. We will supply all walkers with Courtney T-shirts (pink of course!)
If you can't walk but would like to donate go to : www.firstgiving.com/dianehollingworth
More information will be posted soon but don't delay - SIGN UP NOW!
Also, there will be a Mass of Thanksgiving for Courtney's healing at LaSalle Academy in Providence on Thursday April 23rd 7pm. Fr. Al Kenney will celebrate the mass. We look forward to seeing many many people there to help thank God for his grace.
Mom's Update
Courtney is working very hard to improve in all areas. She works 6 days a week doing Math and Reading to improve visual processing skills and comprehension of detail.
Courtney does all kinds of Math and is now reading articles about political science (her previous major at school).
Physical therapy has also advanced and soon we will post pictures of the challenging exercises Courtney is doing during therapy.
In addition to scheduling her day Courtney organizes her school work, and everything she needs for the day. This is great progress and shows Courtney's executive functions are improving.
Testing shows that Courtney is at appropriate grade level in many areas and has given us good information on what she can focus on as she works to get back to school.
Courtney has always been a very hard worker and she remains so today. We have to remind her about the severity of her injury and how far she has come. We remind her to rest and not push herself to hard.
We pray for God's grace, patience and faith as Courtney continues to improve.
Courtney does all kinds of Math and is now reading articles about political science (her previous major at school).
Physical therapy has also advanced and soon we will post pictures of the challenging exercises Courtney is doing during therapy.
In addition to scheduling her day Courtney organizes her school work, and everything she needs for the day. This is great progress and shows Courtney's executive functions are improving.
Testing shows that Courtney is at appropriate grade level in many areas and has given us good information on what she can focus on as she works to get back to school.
Courtney has always been a very hard worker and she remains so today. We have to remind her about the severity of her injury and how far she has come. We remind her to rest and not push herself to hard.
We pray for God's grace, patience and faith as Courtney continues to improve.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Two weeks ago we went to see the firefighters and emt.s in narragansett. In the afternoon, we went to lunch with Brendan Doyle and his mom and Brendan is a state trooper. Brendan saw me in Rhode Island hospital, and it was very difficult for him to see me like that. At lunch, we talked about how we both already thought we were all better and hated going to therapy and things that are similar to that. We both said to our Moms, "I'm not stupid". Brendan knows pretty much exactly what I went through, and it makes sense to relate to someone who understands how I feel. During this week and last week I go to St. Josephs in Providence for speech and OT. OT primarily focuses on things that have to do with my left hand such as sqeezing things and also some things to do with math. But as far as living skills, I had those down at Braintree, and as soon as I got home. Speech focuses on organizational skills, school work such as math like long division, and note taking. PT in warwick is awesome. I'm working on my endurance, my balance, and my tone. By the end of the first day he told me that I could go to the gym where my Mom and I used to go. Today he told me that it was my best day.
Mile 20
Since the first day after Courtney's accident caregivers have been telling us "it's a marathon", "pace yourself." Pacing ourselves didn't occur to us in those early days when her future was so unclear. It started to sink in while she was at Braintree. Now we are at about Mile 20 - the long slow climb. Courtney wants her old life back NOW! She has little tolerance for therapy and has a hard time seeing that anything is different from before her accident.
When others see Courtney they also have a hard time recognizing that she is anything but completely her old self. She looks great, is walking, talking, etc. But there is alot of work ahead for Courtney on her road to complete recovery.
She works daily at math and reading exercises that at one time would have been child's play. This work takes about 3-4 hours each day. She works hard to build up her endurance physically. Courtney has speech therapy 3 times a week, occupational therapy 2 times and physical therapy 2-3 times a week. In between she works out at the gym - 10 minutes on the bike, 10 minutes on the eliptical, and 10 minutes with weights. It is a very tiring 30 minute routine for her.
All the while Courtney asks the questions any normal person would ask: why did this happen to me? It doesn't make sense. My life is confusing. Additionally Courtney is working through severe anxiety (very normal post brain injury) and occasional sadness (also normal).
She is anxious about the people she loves dying or being injured in a car accident and she's anxious for herself. As Courtney recently said "I live my life in fear."
For Craig, myself, Katy and Claudia this is also the long, slow part of the marathon. We feel helpless at times to ease Courtney's fears. We all have our own fears. And like Courtney we wish everything was better right now.
We don't know how long the final 6 miles will take. We believe that Courtney will complete this marathon and return fully to live her life. Courtney's compassion, love for others and determination has inspired us all.
Recently Fr. Brassard spoke these words in a homily that remind us about Courtney:
"Every once in a while a genuinely good and loving individual, whose pain would be more than any mothers' heart could bear, comes along and reminds us of the words of the prophet Hosea: "It is mercy I desire, not sacrifice." We are left to reflect on our own hearts and how the mercy of God is to be played out in the actions of our lives."
And so, we pray for the strength, compassion, wisdom and mercy to pursue the finish line, along with the patience and trust in God that no matter how long the last 6 miles we will all endure!
When others see Courtney they also have a hard time recognizing that she is anything but completely her old self. She looks great, is walking, talking, etc. But there is alot of work ahead for Courtney on her road to complete recovery.
She works daily at math and reading exercises that at one time would have been child's play. This work takes about 3-4 hours each day. She works hard to build up her endurance physically. Courtney has speech therapy 3 times a week, occupational therapy 2 times and physical therapy 2-3 times a week. In between she works out at the gym - 10 minutes on the bike, 10 minutes on the eliptical, and 10 minutes with weights. It is a very tiring 30 minute routine for her.
All the while Courtney asks the questions any normal person would ask: why did this happen to me? It doesn't make sense. My life is confusing. Additionally Courtney is working through severe anxiety (very normal post brain injury) and occasional sadness (also normal).
She is anxious about the people she loves dying or being injured in a car accident and she's anxious for herself. As Courtney recently said "I live my life in fear."
For Craig, myself, Katy and Claudia this is also the long, slow part of the marathon. We feel helpless at times to ease Courtney's fears. We all have our own fears. And like Courtney we wish everything was better right now.
We don't know how long the final 6 miles will take. We believe that Courtney will complete this marathon and return fully to live her life. Courtney's compassion, love for others and determination has inspired us all.
Recently Fr. Brassard spoke these words in a homily that remind us about Courtney:
"Every once in a while a genuinely good and loving individual, whose pain would be more than any mothers' heart could bear, comes along and reminds us of the words of the prophet Hosea: "It is mercy I desire, not sacrifice." We are left to reflect on our own hearts and how the mercy of God is to be played out in the actions of our lives."
And so, we pray for the strength, compassion, wisdom and mercy to pursue the finish line, along with the patience and trust in God that no matter how long the last 6 miles we will all endure!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Hollingworth Time Machine
Saturday evening Craig and I ventured out for the first time since November 15th. We were celebrating St. Patrick's Day at our dear friends, Maureen and Fran's home. I was anxious on the drive knowing that Courtney was also in a car that night with her sister Claudia. We got past the first 30 minutes of anxiousness and enjoyed time with friends (not in a hospital waiting room). That night we received a beautiful and heartfelt gift. Maureen had printed the entire blog, including comments, on colored paper. Each page is protected and in a three ring binder. We were moved to tears at this beautiful gesture of friendship.
Merry Christmas! Yesterday, March 22nd was Christmas for our family. We borrowed a tree from Auntie Linda which was a conversation piece and a decoration. Family and close friends came to celebrate this wonderful event. It was our first party since Courtney's homecoming and a truly blessed experience to once again have our home filled with laughter and happiness.
Santa surprised Courtney by leaving a couple of things under the tree. A purple IPod to replace one she lost in the accident and a journal. As always Courtney was very grateful.
Although I said this is not a gift event I was ignored! Courtney was showered with gifts and she said "Mommy, I have a lot of presents under the tree. I don't know why." Well, Courtney you've once again brought out the best in people as we were thrilled to be able to give and in return received the gift of your happy face.
I have a large family and so there were over 50 people. Courtney did a great job with the noise, the people, the hugs and kisses and more hugs and kisses, etc. She still generally requires a quiet environment with low stimulation so her ability to enjoy herself yesterday was an accomplishment in itself.
Now it's time to put away the St. Patrick's Day and Christmas decorations - Spring has arrived and Easter is almost here!
Merry Christmas! Yesterday, March 22nd was Christmas for our family. We borrowed a tree from Auntie Linda which was a conversation piece and a decoration. Family and close friends came to celebrate this wonderful event. It was our first party since Courtney's homecoming and a truly blessed experience to once again have our home filled with laughter and happiness.
Santa surprised Courtney by leaving a couple of things under the tree. A purple IPod to replace one she lost in the accident and a journal. As always Courtney was very grateful.
Although I said this is not a gift event I was ignored! Courtney was showered with gifts and she said "Mommy, I have a lot of presents under the tree. I don't know why." Well, Courtney you've once again brought out the best in people as we were thrilled to be able to give and in return received the gift of your happy face.
I have a large family and so there were over 50 people. Courtney did a great job with the noise, the people, the hugs and kisses and more hugs and kisses, etc. She still generally requires a quiet environment with low stimulation so her ability to enjoy herself yesterday was an accomplishment in itself.
Now it's time to put away the St. Patrick's Day and Christmas decorations - Spring has arrived and Easter is almost here!
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